Start of a transcript of THE FAT LARDO AND THE RUBBER DUCKY An interactive display of idiocy by... hell, no! You know me too well! First time players are advised to ask WHY Release 00 / Cereal number 030830 / Deform v6.21 Library 6/10 Standard interpreter 1.0 (4F) / Library serial number 991113 >restore Restore failed. >restart Are you sure you want to restart? y THE FAT LARDO AND THE RUBBER DUCKY An interactive display of idiocy by... hell, no! You know me too well! First time players are advised to ask WHY Release 00 / Cereal number 030830 / Deform v6.21 Library 6/10 The Room Hm... Well, what can I say? That's a room and you're in it. Quite simple, heh? Butt... er... but whatever. Why are you here? Well, you don't know because you're an idiot, a useless imbecile, a brainless piece of lard! Wow, that gotta hurt! At least emotionally. Come to think of it, that's the only way one could get hurt in this medium. So prepare for some, as people say, "deep hurting". But let's stop the nonsense and proceed with stupidity. I told you nothing about the room, didn't I? How cruel, ain't it? Anyway, the room is a simple red cube (unlike the complex red cubes that have real and imaginary components) and you're inside it, looking in every direction and realize as much as there is no obvious exit. Damn... P.S. Actually, I said "obvious" just to make you think there's some hidden exit anyway. Honestly - there is not! But wait! What's this? A rubber ducky of sorts lying on the floor (it would be quite a feat if it was lying on the ceiling actually)! >why Good! You're paying attention! Your moronic self scores a point! [Your score has increased by one point. Not that it matters...] If you want to know what kind of a thing you've come across just ask WHAT KIND OF A THING HAVE I COME ACROSS! >what kind of a thing have I come across So, here we go... That's not an excuse, that's not an explanation, that's not a manifest, that's not a license agreement, and most of all - that's not a sheep! Not that there's anything I have against sheep! Some of my best friends are sheep... Which, of course, doesn't mean that sheep have anything to do with this game. They don't! This is quite a wacky (and abusive to nearly everyone) game about a fat imbecile and a rubber duck. And you get to be one of them! I know that when you're faced with such a dilemma you would prefer being the duck. Well, sorry - you get the role of the excessively large moron, and better be good at it! "What's the objective of this game?" I hear you say (well, I don't actually - it would be quite disturbing if I could, wouldn't it?). Well... hm... objective... I think it dropped out of the project somewhere on the way! Just do what you do - look around, play with the duck and have fun (which may be the hardest task to accomplish!). I really would like to tell you something about the process of creation of this game but then again - that would be propaganja! Oops! Sorry, my keyboard is defected. And the backspace doesn't work either! Anyway... Enjoy! >[this does not bode well.] Er? What are you fuckin' talking about? >l The Room Didn't you get it the first time, you good-for-nothing dumbass? A room! Repeat with me - ROOM. Yeah, just a room. Red. A red room. Square floor. Square ceiling. Square walls. Square root. Oh, wait... no... Forget the root. But remind the previous ones. Which leave us with what? C'mon, what??? You can't be possibly that dumb!! A cube, for Chris's sake (or was that Christ's sake...?)! A cube! A red cube-like room! Damn... The ducky... get it, boy! Get it? Get it! >n You stumble as you step ahead and you fall on the red floor. You get up laughing like the idiot you are. >w You stumble as you step ahead and you fall on the red floor. You get up laughing like the idiot you are. >s You stumble as you step ahead and you fall on the red floor. You get up laughing like the idiot you are. >e You stumble as you step ahead and you fall on the red floor. You get up laughing like the idiot you are. >get duck You clumsily grab the ducky with your lumpy hand. Farting of joy while you do, of course. >x it That's a little yellow rubber ducky that the kids (and the fat imbeciles) usually have as bath companions. >i You got the poor ducky in a psychoticly firm grip! For crying out loud - let it catch it's breath! It may be rubber but... whatever! >l The Room You didn't quite get it, did you? >l The Room It's a fuckin' red cube! Fuckin' red! Fuckin' cube! Fuck! How many fuckin' times I gotta explain that fucking thing to you, you stupid fuck? (Boy, am I harsh!) >l The Room No... Oh, no!!! Not this time, fatso! Not another time at all! I'm never going to explain where the hell you are... Shit! >l The Room Arghhgghhhmmmmmmfgfhhjbnnmxxxxxxxxx!!!! Leave me alone, you stupid nitwit!!! Damn you fat-assed fat-ass! It's a red cube! The room is a plain shitty red cube! Not shitty, actually, just red! Oh, by the way, buy the way! I don't know why I said that but you wouldn't know either... What the...? Security! SECURITY! A balloon!!! Daddy, I want a cracker!! I wanna crack her! Hell, oh, my name is Polly! Jerome, eat your break fast!! A state of denial! A state of the Nile! Who's that? Who's dead?? Who's dad? Who's... ah, whatever! What ever? Hug me! Please... And now for something completely different! 234-03-32434-542 24512346-56-56-256256-456 24567467-6763 23445-4414-51 147745-456 2346295-65206-405960 569-456095605-40560-2035903495-054029-495 Damn! I'm getting insane too! SOMEBODY, PLEASE SAVE ME! *** The author have died! *** In that game he didn't score at all, which is because of the fact that excessively fat imbeciles are not his preferred type. May he rest in piece (peace, whatever). Heh, heh... :) Only joking - too much smoking! >l The Room ...fuck off... >l The Room Nope... >l The Room Ask the ducky!!!! Idiot! >l The Room The classic adventure trope - "You are standing in the center of a futureless (or was it featureless?) red room. Red walls (of course) envelop you and create some subconscious tension. Your ass is getting bigger and bigger with every breath you take. Stop breathing, fuckin' idiot!" Now, that's classic (or, at least, it was at a certain point of development - I just couldn't resist adding a few things later)! >l The Room I'm gonna cry now... I mean, not "cry" like with tears or something - "cry" like shouting in your fucking ear : "Fuck you, you fat useless lardo!" >l The Room OK... You can stop now, all right? Stop the fuckin' looking! What's so amusin' 'bout fuckin' lookin' aroun'?? Go play with the duck already!!! >l The Room OK... You can stop now, all right? Stop the fuckin' looking! What's so amusin' 'bout fuckin' lookin' aroun'?? Go play with the duck already!!! >l The Room OK... You can stop now, all right? Stop the fuckin' looking! What's so amusin' 'bout fuckin' lookin' aroun'?? Go play with the duck already!!! >l The Room OK... You can stop now, all right? Stop the fuckin' looking! What's so amusin' 'bout fuckin' lookin' aroun'?? Go play with the duck already!!! >l The Room OK... You can stop now, all right? Stop the fuckin' looking! What's so amusin' 'bout fuckin' lookin' aroun'?? Go play with the duck already!!! >play with duck Er? What are you fuckin' talking about? >play Er? What are you fuckin' talking about? >x duck That's a little yellow rubber ducky that the kids (and the fat imbeciles) usually have as bath companions. >g That's a little yellow rubber ducky that the kids (and the fat imbeciles) usually have as bath companions. >g That's a little yellow rubber ducky that the kids (and the fat imbeciles) usually have as bath companions. >n You stumble as you step ahead and you fall on the red floor. You get up laughing like the idiot you are. >w You stumble as you step ahead and you fall on the red floor. You get up laughing like the idiot you are. >hit duck You hit the little innocent yellow rubber ducky's tiny smiling red beak!! Why??? WHY??? Oh, the insanity! Oh, the inhumanity!!!! I've seen a lot of dirty shit, boy... but that... is just... SICK! >g You hit the little innocent yellow rubber ducky's tiny smiling red beak!! Why??? WHY??? Oh, the insanity! Oh, the inhumanity!!!! I've seen a lot of dirty shit, boy... but that... is just... SICK! >eat duck You nibble on the ducky's beak for a while and manage to tear a little piece. You chew it for about an hour and swallow it, delighted by the rubber... uh... mmm... beverage? Damn... >g You nibble on the ducky's beak for a while and manage to tear a little piece. You chew it for about an hour and swallow it, delighted by the rubber... uh... mmm... beverage? Damn... >g You nibble on the ducky's beak for a while and manage to tear a little piece. You chew it for about an hour and swallow it, delighted by the rubber... uh... mmm... beverage? Damn... >wear duck A lardo-imbecile wearing a duck suit! I'd pay cash to see that! BRIEF COMMERCIAL NOTICE If you send $20 to the following address you will receive a picture of the "lardo-imbecile wearing a duck suit". Don't miss the chance of your life! Others already missed it. Don't join the gray mass! Be original and order now - the "lardo-imbecile wearing a duck suit" photo in a limited edition of 432509244 copies! Only 432509243 left because one of them fell under my bed and I can't get it out... The address is as follows : 00 Guano, st. Excrement City, WC SHITALY --- FECAL POINT Company >x me On your head is a formless piece of hair. Your eyes look in various directions, which wouldn't be that troublesome if they didn't do so at the same time. Er... your nose... man, you gotta cut that out! So... What else... You're ugly, yeah! ...but you know that. I'm sure your mom and dad were brother and sister. Come to think of it, you're such an excessive idiot they both must have been the same person! You're quite fat, also. And not phat, but fat as hell! Damn... >l The Room OK... You can stop now, all right? Stop the fuckin' looking! What's so amusin' 'bout fuckin' lookin' aroun'?? Go play with the duck already!!! >kick duck Er? What are you fuckin' talking about? >throw duck You stretch your arm, squeezing the ducky in a tight grip. You stand like this for some time and then, right out of the blue, you open your palm and the duck falls on the floor. It rebounds... wow! That's... you know... damn... nice. Rebounds!!! What a WORD that is. Just... ah... wonderful. >get it You clumsily grab the ducky with your lumpy hand. Farting of joy while you do, of course. >throw it You stretch your arm, squeezing the ducky in a tight grip. You stand like this for some time and then, right out of the blue, you open your palm and the duck falls on the floor. It rebounds... wow! That's... you know... damn... nice. Rebounds!!! What a WORD that is. Just... ah... wonderful. >bounce it Er? What are you fuckin' talking about? >jump Your fat ass shakes when you leap, and shakes even more when you... er... land, kinda. >q There's no quitting boy... Once you're born like that, you stay like that for a lifetime! >quit There's no quitting boy... Once you're born like that, you stay like that for a lifetime! >